Happy Birthday!

Over the past weekend, SuperG (Grandma Jo) and I baby sat while Derek and Jeanna snuck off for a little getaway to celebrate Jeanna's ? birthday. Sunday morning, with the help of Betty Crocker,  I whipped up a cake for the occasion. Baking and icing were my duties. Decorating was the duty of Jo and the kids, Saffie and Sebastian. Here's a peek at the process.

Grandma Jo, Sebastian and Saffie adding the mandatory festive sprinkles!

With a little encouragement from big sister, Seb tests the frosting.

The classic, "WHO ME?" as Saffie plays innocent.

Tastes Like Chicken?

As we progress into 2013, I want to thank you all for your educational e-mails over the past year.

I am totally screwed up now and have little chance of recovery.

I can no longer open a bathroom door without using a paper towel, 

nor let the waitress put lemon slices in my ice water without worrying 

about the bacteria on the lemon peel.

I can't sit down on a hotel bedspread because I can only imagine 

what has happened on it since it was last washed.

I have trouble shaking hands with someone who has been driving 

because the number one pastime while driving alone is picking one's nose.

Eating a little snack sends me on a guilt trip because I can only 

imagine how many gallons of trans fats I have consumed over the years.

I can't touch any woman's handbag for fear she has placed it on 

the floor of a public toilet.

I must send my special thanks for the email about rat poo 

in the glue on envelopes because I now have to use a wet sponge with 

every envelope that needs sealing.

ALSO, now I have to scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason.

I can't have a drink in a bar because I fear I'll wake up in a bathtub 

full of ice with my kidneys gone.

I can't eat at KFC because their chickens are actually horrible mutant 

freaks with no eyes, feet or feathers.

I can't use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a 

water buffalo on a hot day.

Thanks to you I have learned that my prayers only get answered 

if I forward an e-mail to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes.

Because of your concern , I no longer drink Coca Cola because 

it can remove toilet stains.

I no longer buy fuel without taking someone along to watch the car, 

so a serial killer doesn't crawl in my back seat when I'm filling up.

I no longer use Cling Wrap in the microwave because it causes 

seven different types of cancer.

And thanks for letting me know I can't boil a cup of water 

in the microwave anymore because it will blow up in my face, disfiguring 

me for life.

I no longer go to the cinema because I could be pricked with a 

needle infected with AIDS when I sit down.

I no longer go to shopping centers because someone will drug 

me with a perfume sample and rob me..

And I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask 

me to dial a number for which I will get a huge phone bill with calls to 

Jamaica , Uganda , Singapore and Uzbekistan ..

Thanks to you I can't use anyone's toilet but mine because a 

big black snake could be lurking under the seat and cause me instant 

death when it bites my butt.

And thanks to your great advice I can't ever pick up a 

quarter coin dropped in the car park because it was probably placed 

there by a sex molester waiting to grab me as I bend over.

I can't do any gardening because I'm afraid I'll get bitten by the 

Violin Spider and my hand will fall off.

If you don't send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in 

the next 70 minutes, a large dove with diarrhea will land 

on your head at 5:00 p.m. tomorrow afternoon, and the 

fleas from 120 camels will infest your back, causing you 

to grow a hairy hump. I know this will occur because it 

actually happened to a friend of my next door neighbors 

ex mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's best friend's 

beautician!

Oh, and by the way...

A German scientist from Argentina , after a lengthy study, 

has discovered that people with insufficient brain activity 

read their e-mails with their hand on the mouse

Don't bother taking it off now, it's too late.

P. S. I now keep my toothbrush in the living room, because 

I was told by e-mail that water splashes over 6 ft. out of the toilet.. 

NOW YOU HAVE YOURSELF A VERY GOOD DAY…

Oh Yeah! Friend Ken Moeller reminded me of all these Internet problems.

Oh say can you see?

Reportedly, a woman was flying from Seattle to SanFrancisco. Unexpectedly, The plane was diverted to Sacramento along the way. The flight attendant explained that there would be a delay, and if the passengers wanted to get off the aircraft the plane would re-board in 50 minutes.. Everybody got off the plane except one lady Who was blind. A man had noticed her as he walked by and could tell the lady was blind because her guide dog lay quietly underneath the seats in front of her throughout the entire flight. He could also tell she had flown this very flight before because the pilot approached her, and calling her by name, said, "Kathy, we are in Sacramento for almost an hour. Would you like to get off and stretch your legs?" The blind lady said, "No thanks, but maybe Buddy Would like to stretch his legs."  Picture this: All the people in the gate area came to a complete stand still when they looked up and saw the pilot walk off the plane with a guide dog for the blind! Even worse, the pilot was wearing sunglasses ! People scattered. They not only tried to change planes, But they were trying to change airlines! True story...... Have a great day and remember...... THINGS AREN'T ALWAYS AS THEY APPEAR...... A DAY WITHOUT LAUGHTER IS A DAY WASTED...... Thanks for helping us not waste a day, Rich Grisius.

. . . And Tap My Feet!!!

A couple of weeks ago someone sent me an email about a Four Star General that played drums for The Ventures years ago. After passing it on to several of my retired military friends I decided to check out some of the other YouTube vids of them. I admit it didn't really make me laugh but, it certainly took me on a trip down memory lane. It brought back memories of of "Sock Hops" at Saint Tarcisius' church hall, the juke box blasting at, our favorite malt shop, Sylvia's, and "Twisting The Night Away" at various suburban bars. With tunes like Wipe Out, Walk Don't Run, Telstar, Apache, Let There Be Drums. Road Runner and Tequila there was no way you could sit (or stand) still.
So, to really lift your spirits for a little while, go to YouTube, type in The Ventures, pick a tune and start tapping those toes! With all the political ads, the economy and just your normal everyday stress, this is a sure ticket to "Smileville"!

Bad Habit!!!

Two Nuns are driving home one dark and stormy night when suddenly, WHAM!..... a Vampire lands on the top of their car.

the Vampire's eyes glow bright yellow and his razor sharp fangs are dripping red blood.

the Nun who is driving screams, " Sister Mary, QUICK, sister --- show him your Cross!!"

Sister Mary immediately rolls down her window and leans as far out as she can and yells....

"Get the @#$%!! OFF OUR WINDSHIELD!!!"  

Courtesy of Jim, Jim the Pizza man!

Mamma's Gift

Four brothers left home for college, and they became successful doctors

And lawyers.

One evening, they chatted after having dinner together. They 

Discussed the 95th birthday gifts they were able to give their elderly mother who moved

To Florida .

The first said, "You know I had a big house built for Mama."

The second said, "And I had a large theater built in the house."

The third said, "And I had my Mercedes dealer deliver an SL600 to her."

The fourth said, "You know how Mama loved reading the Bible and you know

She can't read anymore because she can't see very well. I met this 

Preacher who told me about a parrot who could recite the entire Bible. It took

Ten preachers almost 8 years to teach him. I had to pledge to contribute

$50,000 a year for five years to the church, but it was worth it 

Mama only has to name the chapter and verse, and the parrot will recite it."

The other brothers were impressed. After the celebration Mama sent out

Her "Thank You" notes.

She wrote:

Milton , the house you built is so huge that I live in only one

Room, but I have to clean the whole house. Thanks anyway."

"Marvin, I am too old to travel. I stay home; I have my groceries

Delivered, so I never use the Mercedes. The thought was good. Thanks."

"Michael, you gave me an expensive theater with Dolby sound and it can

Hold 50 people, but all of my friends are dead, I've lost my hearing, 

And I'm nearly blind. I'll never use it. Thank you for the gesture just the 

same!

"Dearest Melvin, you were the only son to have the good sense to give 

A little thought to your gift. The chicken was delicious Thank you so much."

Love, Mama

From Ken M.

Just Thinkin'

Sometimes (most of the time) I have too much time to amuse myself. The other day, while jotting down some email address or some web site info, another one of my brainstorms/money-making ideas popped up in the left side of my little brain. With my already bad penmanship rapidly deteriorating, I could hire out as a freelance prescription writer. A lot of doctors nowadays are so busy with golf, stock brokers and lawyers (and sick people) that they would probably welcome some assistance in the drudgery of prescription writing.
With my variety of health issues, I've seen a lot of prescriptions and I know that I could easily take some of the load off the overworked MDs.
So, the next time your doctor says that you need a prescription filled, mention my name. I'm sure that he'll (or she'll) appreciate the suggestion.

Laugh twice and call me in the morning!!!

It's late fall and the Indians on a remote reservation in South Dakota asked their new chief if the coming winter was going to be cold or mild. Since he was a chief in a modern society, he had never been taught the old secrets. When he looked at the sky, he couldn't tell what the winter was going to be like. Nevertheless, to be on the safe side, he told his tribe that the winter was indeed going to be cold and that the members of the village should collect firewood to be prepared. But, being a practical leader, after several days, he got an idea. He went to the phone booth, called the National Weather Service and asked, 'Is the coming winter going to be cold?' 'It looks like this winter is going to be quite cold,' the meteorologist at the weather service responded. So the chief went back to his people and told them to collect even more firewood in order to be prepared. A week later, he called the National Weather Service again. 'Does it still look like it is going to be a very cold winter?' 'Yes,' the man at National Weather Service again replied, 'it's going to be a very cold winter.' The chief again went back to his people and ordered them to collect every scrap of firewood they could find. Two weeks later, the chief called the National Weather Service again. 'Are you absolutely sure that the winter is going to be very cold?' 'Absolutely,' the man replied. 'It's looking more and more like it is going to be one of the coldest winters we've ever seen.' 'How can you be so sure?' the chief asked. The weatherman replied, 'The Indians are collecting a tons of firewood !' Thank Ken Moeller for the laugh!