Friday, February 24, 2012

Just Like Frank?

Thanks to General Dramis and a few others for bringing back this oldie!


A man walks out to the street and catches a taxi just going by.
He gets into the taxi, and the cabbie says, 'Perfect timing.
You're just like Frank.'

Passenger: 'Who?'

Cabbie: 'Frank Feldman.. He's a guy who did everything right all the time.
Like my coming along when you needed a cab, things happened like that to
Frank Feldman every single time.'

Passenger: 'There are always a few clouds over everybody.'

Cabbie: 'Not Frank Feldman. He was a terrific athlete. He could have won the
Grand-Slam at tennis. He could golf with the pros. He sang like an opera
baritone and danced like a Broadway star and you should have heard him play
the piano. He was an amazing guy.'

Passenger: 'Sounds like he was something really special.'

Cabbie: 'There's more. He had a memory like a computer. He remembered
everybody's birthday. He knew all about wine, which foods to order and which
fork to eat them with. He could fix anything. Not like me. I change a fuse,
and the whole street blacks out. But Frank Feldman, could do everything
right.'

Passenger: 'Wow, some guy then.'

Cabbie: 'He always knew the quickest way to go in traffic and avoid traffic
jams. Not like me, I always seem to get stuck in them. But Frank, he never
made a mistake, and he really knew how to treat a woman and make her feel
good. He would never answer her back even if she was in the wrong; and his
clothing was always immaculate, shoes highly polished too. He was the
perfect man! He never made a mistake. No one could ever measure up to Frank
Feldman.'

Passenger: 'An amazing fellow. How did you meet him?'

Cabbie: 'Well...I never actually met Frank. He died and I married his
f#$%^ing wife.'

Tuesday, February 21, 2012

Wrong Number

This has been around for quite a while but, it still makes me laugh. (A lot)






Sunday, February 19, 2012

What's For Dinner?


High School Buddy Ken reminded me of this old joke.
It may be old but it still makes me laugh.
(Guess because it strikes close to home)



Bert feared his wife Peg wasn't hearing as well as she used to and he thought she might need a hearing aid.

Not quite sure how to approach her, he called the family Doctor to discuss the problem.

The Doctor told him there is a simple informal test the husband could perform to give the Doctor a better idea about her hearing loss.

'Here's what you do,' said the Doctor, 'stand about 40 feet away from her, and in a normal conversational speaking tone see if she hears you. If not, go to 30 feet, then 20 feet, and so on until you get a response.'

That evening, the wife is in the kitchen cooking dinner, and he was In the den. He says to himself, 'I'm about 40 feet away, let's see what happens.' Then in a normal tone he asks, 'Honey, what's for dinner?'

No response.

So the husband moves closer to the kitchen, about 30 feet from his wife and repeats, 'Peg, what's for dinner?'

Still no response.

Next he moves into the dining room where he is about 20 feet from his Wife and asks, 'Honey, what's for dinner?'

Again he gets no response.

So, he walks up to the kitchen door, about 10 feet away.. 'Honey, what's for dinner?'

Again there is no response.

So he walks right up behind her. 'Peg, what's for dinner?'

(I just love this…)

'For God's sake, Bert, for the FIFTH time, CHICKEN !!!'

Friday, February 17, 2012

One Liners




Whenever I see an old lady slip and fall on a wet sidewalk, my first instinct is to laugh. But then I think, what if I was an ant, and she fell on me. Then it wouldn't seem quite so funny.


It's sad that a family can be torn apart by something as simple as a pack of wild dogs.


"I come from a stupid family. During the Civil War my great Uncle fought for the west!"


Hey! Gimme a break, I've been sick.

Tuesday, February 14, 2012

Holding Back A Laugh???

I spent most of yesterday trying to hold back any laughs. As a matter of fact I tried to hold back almost everything. Yeah, I got hit with a spurt of the flu. Seems better today so I dare to venture a few feet from the bathroom. During the part of the day while I was conscience, I worked on funny thoughts but most of them were just "potty" jokes and seemed too obvious at the time. I don't mean to make this entry a sick attempt at humor. So, I did find a little joke that brought me a guarded chuckle the other day.



I'd have know that if I would have paid more attention in third grade.
Sorry Sister Marietta.

Saturday, February 11, 2012

Dare I Laugh?


For at least a year, or more, I've been driving past this little chunk of Wisconsin culture. The other day I finally got up guts enough to stop and take a couple of photos. I don't even want to hazard a guess as to what all this means. In a way it's funny but, is it really. I do know that I don't want to be the guy who pisses off this person. A real bonus was that, for the first time since I've been driving by, a car that is full of handwritten messages was parked in front of the "garage" (shed). I couldn't make out what the writing said and I wasn't about to walk across the road and get close enough to try to read it. Unfortunately my camera didn't pick it up clear enough either. Normally I would post something like this in my ronning off blog as a "Wisconsin Hystory" story but it has made me laugh (in a frightening sort of way). I would like to meet the person(s) responsible (If he's unarmed) and get his side of the story. That could be pretty funny, sad or scary. Who knows . . .

What's this guy got against corn bread?
And, what happened to numbers 1 thru 6?


If your neighbor wears a hood, he needs watching.
I looked in my wife's purse and, by God, there were some pistachios in there.

At least he used to be a nice guy!
(Notice at the top of the little shed he's keeping score!
Looks like there were 6 isolated incidents so far)
I never knew that about coon hunting.
Although I never liked ice fishing either.

Sounds pretty easy!

Wish I could read even a little of this but, I don't want to be number 7.
Maybe on another "brave" day I'll try to get better shots.
Stay tuned!

Friday, February 10, 2012