DUCK!!!

No, really duck. Here's why.
We were on vacation Up Nord last week. As usual we enjoyed viewing various types of wildlife that roam around freely up there. We saw the usual assortment. You know, eagles, deer, ducks, geese, cranes, herons, a fox and a few loons (and some water fowl ones too). We caught a few fish. (And lost a few. Including a five hundred pound Marlin that broke my line and escaped.) We encountered a vast array of wild-not-so-live roadkill. Skunks, coons, deer and porcupines. But the most interesting specie we ran across was the "Tree Dwelling Turtle". One evening, after dinner, a loud "Ohhh!" came from came from the base of a very tall pine tree where Reid, my son-in-law, and Eddie, the grandkid, were sitting, playing with some pebbles. (Pebble playing is a great after dinner pastime Up Nord.) "What's wrong"  I called from the deck. "Something just hit me in the shoulder", Reid replied. Looking around him, on the ground, he found the object that had undoubtedly fallen from the treetop and bounced off his shoulder . . . a small painted turtle, about the size of a silver dollar. After close inspection by Reid, Eddie and Edie, the bewildered culprit/victim was released into the lake. We considered putting it back in the tree but on one was willing to climb it. We think the the real culprit was one of the seagulls that was out hunting that night who must have dropped his appetizer on his way home. Now, grandkid Eddie is convinced that some turtles DO live in trees. Although there were many laughing occasions during the week this wins the title of "This Made Me Laugh The Most"! So, when you're Up Nord, pay attention to ALL the warning signs that are posted throughout the area.

NAG, NAG, NAG!

Mayonnaise Jar & Two Beers

When things in your life seem almost too much to handle, when 24 hours in a day are not enough, remember the mayonnaise jar and the 2 Beers. A professor stood before his philosophy class and had some items in front of him. When the class began, he wordlessly picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with golf balls. He then asked the students if the jar was full. They agreed that it was. The professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar. He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles rolled into the open areas between the golf balls. He then asked the students again if the jar was full. They agreed it was. The professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. Of course, the sand filled up everything else. He asked once more if the jar was full.. The students responded with a unanimous 'yes.' The professor then produced two Beers from under the table and poured the entire contents into the jar effectively filling the empty space between the sand. The students laughed.. 'Now,' said the professor as the laughter subsided, 'I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life. The golf balls are the important things - your family, your children, your health, your friends and your favorite passions – and if everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full. The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, your house and your car.. The sand is everything else - the small stuff. 'If you put the sand into the jar first,' he continued, 'there is no room for the pebbles or the golf balls. The same goes for life. If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff you will never have room for the things that are important to you. Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness. Spend time with your children. Spend time with your parents. Visit with grandparents. Visit with your Aunts. Take your spouse out to dinner. Play another 18. There will always be time to clean the house and fix the disposal. Take care of the golf balls first - the things that really matter. Set your priorities. The rest is just sand. One of the students raised her hand and inquired what the Beer represented. The professor smiled and said, 'I'm glad you asked.' The Beer just shows you that no matter how full your life may seem, there's always room for a couple of Beers with a friend. Thanks to ken Bochat for reminding me of this meaningful story!

Technologee!

I was visiting my son and daughter-in-law

Last night when I asked if I could borrow

a newspaper.

'This is the 21st century, old man,' he said.

'We don't waste money on newspapers.

Here, you can borrow my iPod.'

I can tell you, that friggin fly never knew

What hit it...........

I Want A Second Opinion!

During my recent physical, my doctor asked me about my daily activity level, and so I described a typical day this way:

"Well, yesterday afternoon, I waded along the edge of a lake, drank eight beers, escaped from wild dogs in the heavy brush,
marched up and down several rocky hills, stood in a patch of poison ivy, crawled out of quicksand, jumped away from an aggressive
rattlesnake and took four "leaks" behind big trees."

Inspired by the story, the doctor said, "Carlos, You must be one heck of an Outdoors Man!"

"No," I replied, "I'm just a crappy golfer."

Courtesy of Ken Moeller

Just Another Blonde Joke!

A blonde & her husband are lying in bed

Listening to the next door neighbor's dog..

It has been in the backyard barking for hours & hours.

The blonde jumps up out of bed and says,

"I've had enough of this".

She goes downstairs.

The blonde finally comes back up to bed

And her husband says,  "The dog is still barking,

What have you been doing?"

The blonde says,

"I put the dog in our backyard,

let's see how THEY like it!

I Have A Little GPS!!!

I have a little GPS It sits there in my car A GPS is a driver's friend It tells you where you are    I have a little GPS I've had it all my life It’s better than the normal ones My GPS is my wife    It gives me full instructions Especially how to drive "It's thirty miles an hour", it says "You're doing thirty five"    It tells me when to stop and start And when to use the brake And tells me that it's never ever Safe to overtake    It tells me when a light is red And when it goes to green It seems to know instinctively Just when to intervene    It lists the vehicles just in front And all those to the rear And taking this into account It specifies my gear.    I'm sure no other driver Has so helpful a device For when we leave and lock the car It still gives its advice It fills me up with counseling Each journey's pretty fraught So why don't I exchange it And get a quieter sort? Ah well, you see, it cleans the house, Makes sure I'm properly fed, It washes all my shirts and things And - keeps me warm in bed! Despite all these advantages And my tendency to scoff, I do wish that once in a while I could turn the damned thing off.

Courtesy of George Dramis!

And God Promised Man . . .

And God promised men that good and obedient wives 

would be found in all corners of the world.

 Then He made the earth round ... 

and laughed and laughed and laughed...

Thanks for the Sunday Sermon, Rich Grisius

Old Farmer's Advice

Courtesy of Frank Schoensiegel -

“Your fences need to be horse-high, pig-tight and bull-strong.”   “Keep skunks and bankers at a distance.”  “Life is simpler when you plow around the stump.”  “A bumble bee is considerably faster than a John Deere tractor.” “Words that soak into your ears are whispered…....not yelled.”  “Meanness don't just happen overnight.”  “Forgive your enemies; it messes up their heads.”  “Do not corner something that you know is meaner than you.”  “It don't take a very big person to carry a grudge.”  “You cannot unsay a cruel word.”  “Every path has a few puddles.”  “When you wallow with pigs, expect to get dirty.”  “The best sermons are lived, not preached.” “Most of the stuff people worry about, ain't never gonna happen anyway.”  “Don 't judge folks by their relatives.  “Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer.”  “Live a good and honorable life, then when you get older and think back, you'll enjoy it a second time.” “Don 't interfere with somethin' that ain't bothering you none.”  “Timing has a lot to do with the outcome of a rain dance.”  “If you find yourself in a hole, the first thing to do is stop diggin'.”  “Sometimes you get, and sometimes you get got.  “The biggest troublemaker you'll probably ever have to deal with, watches you from the mirror every mornin'.”  “Always drink upstream from the herd.”  “Good judgment comes from experience, and a lotta that comes from bad judgment.”  “Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier than puttin' it back in.”  “If you get to thinkin' you're a person of some influence, try orderin' somebody else's dog around.”  “Live simply, love generously, care deeply,  speak kindly, and leave the rest to God.”