Adventures With Larry!

Falling back on my deep rooted Shakespearean background, I would like to start this blog by quoting my old high school buddy, Brutus. "I came to praise Larry, not bury him. The goofy stuff that men do lives after them, The good is oft interred with their bones, So let it be with Larry!" Having said this, let me tell about this past year's adventures with my good friend Larry. 
I met Larry a little over a year ago while Jo and I were having a cocktail at the "Silent Woman" in beautiful downtown Fennimore. After striking up a conversation we discovered that Larry lived just about a block away down 10th Street and, like me he was retired, his wife still worked and he enjoyed grocery shopping. He suggested that I join him on his weekly shopping excursion the following week. So starts the adventure. On the designated morning, Wisconsin decided to  treat us to the first snow storm of the year (if I remember correctly, the only snow storm of last winter). I figured that we would postpone our trip until the weather eased up. But, postpone is not in Larry's vocabulary. He showed up at my door at the appointed time and stated, "I have 4wheel drive and I drive slow". What he didn't state was that he didn't believe that there is such a thing as a straight line or a nonstop trip. Not only did we make two or three stops before leaving town but, he opted to go to Prairie du Chien, twenty five miles away, instead of Lancaster, 10 miles away. And, naturally, in these snowy conditions, it's better to take back roads rather than the plowed highway. In short, we left my house at 10am, we managed to get to Prairie in time for lunch (Larry insists it's dinner) by noon and returned home at five pm. The object being to always get home before the wives return from work. That first experience set the stage for many an enjoyable days roaming the countryside with Larry. On one occasion we left to do some grocerying in Lancaster and ended up having "dinner" in Savannah, Illinois or on a return trip from "who knows where" we pulled over to shout encouragement a an ice fisherman who Larry insisted was his son and only to find his son in Fennimore a short time later. I must admit on our travels I have constantly become both nourished and  educated. I have met more people in Southwest Wisconsin than I ever dreamed possible and eaten "dinner" at places that I never knew existed. And, I've had laughs on days were I would have normally been sitting home with my computing machine. All provided by Larry. Another side of the former teacher, farmer, paint salesman, body shop owner is his stuff. Larry puts to shame Tim "The Toolman" Allen of "Home Improvement" fame. Anytime there's a need for a tool or a machine of some sort, Larry's the "go to" guy. If he doesn't have it, he'll make it, borrow it or, if necessary, buy it. (I actually heard that once Home Depot called him to borrow some equipment) I must admit that in the past year I've learned a lot about "small town" living while trying to explain to Larry, the joy of big city living. Our meanderings involve some great story telling from both driver and passenger seats of the car. As I said in the beginning of this tale, I don't plan on making fun of Larry, but, rather, have fun with him. Therefore I won't mention the incident when Larry inquired at a foam products factory if they had any sausage for sale retail. Okay maybe I did let that slip out. At any rate I just want to thank Old Lar for a fun year and look forward to many miles of smiles in 2013.
I did do a little research into Larry's lineage and possibly discovered the reason for his exploring nature.

Some one, not Larry's son, ice fishing.

Rare photo of Sitting Bull with Standing Larry.

Larry Meriwether Lewis are being stranded by his partner 

Dick Clark in a Monroe, Wisconsin tavern Circa 1802

Teddy Beer

Did I mention, Larry's last name is Beer?

(no relation to Auggie Augsberger)

Recent photo of Larry working his way through 

the meat department at Piggly Wiggly.

The Joy Of Christmas!

Saw this in the paper this morning . . . how true!

Dead Penquin?

Did you ever wonder why there are no dead penguins on the ice in Antarctica ?

Where do they go? 

Wonder no more ! ! ! 

It is a known fact that the penguin is a very ritualistic bird which lives an extremely ordered and complex life. The penguin is very committed to its family and will mate for life, as well as maintain a form of compassionate contact with its offspring throughout its life. 

If a penguin is found dead on the ice surface, other members of the family and social circle have been known to dig holes in the ice, using their vestigial wings and beaks, until the hole is deep enough for the dead bird to be rolled into, and buried.

The male penguins then gather in a circle around the fresh grave and sing:

"Freeze a jolly good fellow."  "Freeze a jolly good fellow." 

You really didn't believe that I know anything about penguins, did you? 

It's so easy to fool OLD people. 

I am sorry, an urge came over me that made me do it!!! 

Oh quit whining I fell for it, too.

Blume Ken Moeller for this one!

Say Aaaaaah! Then Groan!

Shades of Bob Hope, Henny Youngman, Groucho Marx and maybe Steven Wright . . . 

Let me tell you about my doctor:

He's very good! If you tell him you want a second opinion, he'll go out and come in again. 

He treated one woman for yellow jaundice for three years before he realized she was Chinese.

Another time, he gave a patient six months to live. At the end of the six months, the patient hadn't paid his bill, so, the doctor gave him another six months.

While he was talking to me, his nurse came in and said, "Doctor, there is a man here who thinks he's invisible." The doctor said, "Tell him I can't see him."

Another time, a man came running in the office and yelled, " Doctor, doctor! - my son just swallowed a roll of film!" The doctor calmly replied,

"Well let's just wait and see what develops."

One patient came in and said, "Doctor, I have a serious memory problem." The doctor asked, "When did it start?" The man replied, "When did what start?" 

I remember one time I told my doctor I had a ringing in my ears. His advice: "Don't answer it."

My doctor sure has his share of nut cases. One said to him, "Doctor, I think I'm a bell." he doctor gave him some pills and said, "Here, take these. If they don't work, give me a ring."

Another guy told the doctor that he thought he was a deck of cards. The doctor simply said, "Go sit over there. I'll deal with you later." 

When I told my doctor I broke my leg in two places, he told me to stop going to those places.

You know, doctors can be so frustrating. You wait a month and a half for an appointment. Then he says, "I wish you had come to me sooner."

Blame Kenny Bochat for this one!

The Fun Side of 75!!!

Courtesy of Old Ralph Bergelin

Wanna Supersize That???

I was in McDonalds recently when I  suddenly realized I desperately  needed to fart. The music was really loud so I timed  my fart with the beat of the music. After a couple of songs I started  to feel better. I finished my coffee and noticed that  everyone was staring at me… And suddenly I remembered I was  listening to my iPod …and how was your day? That's what happens when old  people start using technology! Courtesy of Larry Munsterman

Happy Birthday!

Over the past weekend, SuperG (Grandma Jo) and I baby sat while Derek and Jeanna snuck off for a little getaway to celebrate Jeanna's ? birthday. Sunday morning, with the help of Betty Crocker,  I whipped up a cake for the occasion. Baking and icing were my duties. Decorating was the duty of Jo and the kids, Saffie and Sebastian. Here's a peek at the process.

Grandma Jo, Sebastian and Saffie adding the mandatory festive sprinkles!

With a little encouragement from big sister, Seb tests the frosting.

The classic, "WHO ME?" as Saffie plays innocent.

Tastes Like Chicken?

As we progress into 2013, I want to thank you all for your educational e-mails over the past year.

I am totally screwed up now and have little chance of recovery.

I can no longer open a bathroom door without using a paper towel, 

nor let the waitress put lemon slices in my ice water without worrying 

about the bacteria on the lemon peel.

I can't sit down on a hotel bedspread because I can only imagine 

what has happened on it since it was last washed.

I have trouble shaking hands with someone who has been driving 

because the number one pastime while driving alone is picking one's nose.

Eating a little snack sends me on a guilt trip because I can only 

imagine how many gallons of trans fats I have consumed over the years.

I can't touch any woman's handbag for fear she has placed it on 

the floor of a public toilet.

I must send my special thanks for the email about rat poo 

in the glue on envelopes because I now have to use a wet sponge with 

every envelope that needs sealing.

ALSO, now I have to scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason.

I can't have a drink in a bar because I fear I'll wake up in a bathtub 

full of ice with my kidneys gone.

I can't eat at KFC because their chickens are actually horrible mutant 

freaks with no eyes, feet or feathers.

I can't use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a 

water buffalo on a hot day.

Thanks to you I have learned that my prayers only get answered 

if I forward an e-mail to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes.

Because of your concern , I no longer drink Coca Cola because 

it can remove toilet stains.

I no longer buy fuel without taking someone along to watch the car, 

so a serial killer doesn't crawl in my back seat when I'm filling up.

I no longer use Cling Wrap in the microwave because it causes 

seven different types of cancer.

And thanks for letting me know I can't boil a cup of water 

in the microwave anymore because it will blow up in my face, disfiguring 

me for life.

I no longer go to the cinema because I could be pricked with a 

needle infected with AIDS when I sit down.

I no longer go to shopping centers because someone will drug 

me with a perfume sample and rob me..

And I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask 

me to dial a number for which I will get a huge phone bill with calls to 

Jamaica , Uganda , Singapore and Uzbekistan ..

Thanks to you I can't use anyone's toilet but mine because a 

big black snake could be lurking under the seat and cause me instant 

death when it bites my butt.

And thanks to your great advice I can't ever pick up a 

quarter coin dropped in the car park because it was probably placed 

there by a sex molester waiting to grab me as I bend over.

I can't do any gardening because I'm afraid I'll get bitten by the 

Violin Spider and my hand will fall off.

If you don't send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in 

the next 70 minutes, a large dove with diarrhea will land 

on your head at 5:00 p.m. tomorrow afternoon, and the 

fleas from 120 camels will infest your back, causing you 

to grow a hairy hump. I know this will occur because it 

actually happened to a friend of my next door neighbors 

ex mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's best friend's 

beautician!

Oh, and by the way...

A German scientist from Argentina , after a lengthy study, 

has discovered that people with insufficient brain activity 

read their e-mails with their hand on the mouse

Don't bother taking it off now, it's too late.

P. S. I now keep my toothbrush in the living room, because 

I was told by e-mail that water splashes over 6 ft. out of the toilet.. 

NOW YOU HAVE YOURSELF A VERY GOOD DAY…

Oh Yeah! Friend Ken Moeller reminded me of all these Internet problems.

Oh say can you see?

Reportedly, a woman was flying from Seattle to SanFrancisco. Unexpectedly, The plane was diverted to Sacramento along the way. The flight attendant explained that there would be a delay, and if the passengers wanted to get off the aircraft the plane would re-board in 50 minutes.. Everybody got off the plane except one lady Who was blind. A man had noticed her as he walked by and could tell the lady was blind because her guide dog lay quietly underneath the seats in front of her throughout the entire flight. He could also tell she had flown this very flight before because the pilot approached her, and calling her by name, said, "Kathy, we are in Sacramento for almost an hour. Would you like to get off and stretch your legs?" The blind lady said, "No thanks, but maybe Buddy Would like to stretch his legs."  Picture this: All the people in the gate area came to a complete stand still when they looked up and saw the pilot walk off the plane with a guide dog for the blind! Even worse, the pilot was wearing sunglasses ! People scattered. They not only tried to change planes, But they were trying to change airlines! True story...... Have a great day and remember...... THINGS AREN'T ALWAYS AS THEY APPEAR...... A DAY WITHOUT LAUGHTER IS A DAY WASTED...... Thanks for helping us not waste a day, Rich Grisius.

. . . And Tap My Feet!!!

A couple of weeks ago someone sent me an email about a Four Star General that played drums for The Ventures years ago. After passing it on to several of my retired military friends I decided to check out some of the other YouTube vids of them. I admit it didn't really make me laugh but, it certainly took me on a trip down memory lane. It brought back memories of of "Sock Hops" at Saint Tarcisius' church hall, the juke box blasting at, our favorite malt shop, Sylvia's, and "Twisting The Night Away" at various suburban bars. With tunes like Wipe Out, Walk Don't Run, Telstar, Apache, Let There Be Drums. Road Runner and Tequila there was no way you could sit (or stand) still.
So, to really lift your spirits for a little while, go to YouTube, type in The Ventures, pick a tune and start tapping those toes! With all the political ads, the economy and just your normal everyday stress, this is a sure ticket to "Smileville"!

Bad Habit!!!

Two Nuns are driving home one dark and stormy night when suddenly, WHAM!..... a Vampire lands on the top of their car.

the Vampire's eyes glow bright yellow and his razor sharp fangs are dripping red blood.

the Nun who is driving screams, " Sister Mary, QUICK, sister --- show him your Cross!!"

Sister Mary immediately rolls down her window and leans as far out as she can and yells....

"Get the @#$%!! OFF OUR WINDSHIELD!!!"  

Courtesy of Jim, Jim the Pizza man!

Mamma's Gift

Four brothers left home for college, and they became successful doctors

And lawyers.

One evening, they chatted after having dinner together. They 

Discussed the 95th birthday gifts they were able to give their elderly mother who moved

To Florida .

The first said, "You know I had a big house built for Mama."

The second said, "And I had a large theater built in the house."

The third said, "And I had my Mercedes dealer deliver an SL600 to her."

The fourth said, "You know how Mama loved reading the Bible and you know

She can't read anymore because she can't see very well. I met this 

Preacher who told me about a parrot who could recite the entire Bible. It took

Ten preachers almost 8 years to teach him. I had to pledge to contribute

$50,000 a year for five years to the church, but it was worth it 

Mama only has to name the chapter and verse, and the parrot will recite it."

The other brothers were impressed. After the celebration Mama sent out

Her "Thank You" notes.

She wrote:

Milton , the house you built is so huge that I live in only one

Room, but I have to clean the whole house. Thanks anyway."

"Marvin, I am too old to travel. I stay home; I have my groceries

Delivered, so I never use the Mercedes. The thought was good. Thanks."

"Michael, you gave me an expensive theater with Dolby sound and it can

Hold 50 people, but all of my friends are dead, I've lost my hearing, 

And I'm nearly blind. I'll never use it. Thank you for the gesture just the 

same!

"Dearest Melvin, you were the only son to have the good sense to give 

A little thought to your gift. The chicken was delicious Thank you so much."

Love, Mama

From Ken M.

Just Thinkin'

Sometimes (most of the time) I have too much time to amuse myself. The other day, while jotting down some email address or some web site info, another one of my brainstorms/money-making ideas popped up in the left side of my little brain. With my already bad penmanship rapidly deteriorating, I could hire out as a freelance prescription writer. A lot of doctors nowadays are so busy with golf, stock brokers and lawyers (and sick people) that they would probably welcome some assistance in the drudgery of prescription writing.
With my variety of health issues, I've seen a lot of prescriptions and I know that I could easily take some of the load off the overworked MDs.
So, the next time your doctor says that you need a prescription filled, mention my name. I'm sure that he'll (or she'll) appreciate the suggestion.

Laugh twice and call me in the morning!!!

It's late fall and the Indians on a remote reservation in South Dakota asked their new chief if the coming winter was going to be cold or mild. Since he was a chief in a modern society, he had never been taught the old secrets. When he looked at the sky, he couldn't tell what the winter was going to be like. Nevertheless, to be on the safe side, he told his tribe that the winter was indeed going to be cold and that the members of the village should collect firewood to be prepared. But, being a practical leader, after several days, he got an idea. He went to the phone booth, called the National Weather Service and asked, 'Is the coming winter going to be cold?' 'It looks like this winter is going to be quite cold,' the meteorologist at the weather service responded. So the chief went back to his people and told them to collect even more firewood in order to be prepared. A week later, he called the National Weather Service again. 'Does it still look like it is going to be a very cold winter?' 'Yes,' the man at National Weather Service again replied, 'it's going to be a very cold winter.' The chief again went back to his people and ordered them to collect every scrap of firewood they could find. Two weeks later, the chief called the National Weather Service again. 'Are you absolutely sure that the winter is going to be very cold?' 'Absolutely,' the man replied. 'It's looking more and more like it is going to be one of the coldest winters we've ever seen.' 'How can you be so sure?' the chief asked. The weatherman replied, 'The Indians are collecting a tons of firewood !' Thank Ken Moeller for the laugh!

Watch For A Pink Car Going Down Your Street . . . (Backwards)

We visited the Nimz family, Reid, Summer, Eddie and Edie, this past weekend. On a normal trip up there, I usually enjoy viewing the various wildlife along the way. However, on this trip, wildlife viewing was pretty lean. Fortunately the lack of wildlife made way for another of my favorite pastimes, cars. It's always a pleasure to go to the "Big Cities", Minneapolis, Chicago etc. , because I get to see a lot of cars that don't normally hang out around Fennimore. This weekend was a bonanza. While sitting out in the yard watching the kids, I noticed, on a nearby busy street, an old Triumph Spitfire. "Wow! You don't see too many of those around." Right behind the Spitfire was a fleet of circa 1950ish MGs. About a half dozen of these little open wheel beauties. There were TDs, TFs and even a '49 TC. This probably doesn't mean much to most of you but, being a teenager in the fifties during the "British Sports Car Invasion, the sight of these little guys stir up a lot of memories. The little parade ended with an old Porsche 911 bringing up the rear. But the car fun didn't end there. On our journey home we encountered a gang of rods and customs along the highway. This time of year weekends are loaded with hot rod, custom car, and antique car shows. Seems like one time or another every small town hosts one. A nice sunny autumn weekend seems to pry open those garage doors and the shiny little creatures come out for one last cruise of the season. I spotted Chevys, Fords, Dodges. Coupes, Trucks and Roadsters. Hard tops and Convertibles. Big ones like a '55 Lincoln Continental four door convertible and small ones like a '27 Model T track roadster. Quite a weekend for car watching. The surprising car event turned up right in the Nimz own front yard. Summer, donning her best garage saling  garb, set out  looking for treasures along the streets of Richfield. In no time at all she returned with "The Find of the Day", a little pink car for Miss Edie. Now, Mr. Eddie already has the male version of this kind of car and there has been some argument over who has custody of that car so the arrival of the pink one should smooth things out. As you can see in the picture below, Edie wasted no time in claiming her "ride". 

One small problem, she has yet to learn how to propel her machine forward. All her journeys are in reverse. Eddie has not proved to be of any help in this situation because he finds great delight in pushing Edie backwards. 

The final straw being, Eddie was filling Edie's makebelieve gas tank from his makebelieve gas pump when Edie drove off (in reverse) with the nozzle still in the filler hole thing.

At any rate, the antics of the two future Nascar drivers, made me laugh

On the final leg of our trip home I, once again, passed the car that I lust for, a 1950 Olds 88 Holiday that sits in a custom car/hot rod dealer's lot in Winona Minnesota.

The only thing that keeps that car out of my garage is the $23,000 price tag.

Out Loud!

Found this Sunday morning in the Star Tribune up in Minneapolis.
Fun way to start the day.

A New Look At Retirement!

No nursing home for us.  We'll be checking into a Holiday Inn! With the average cost for a nursing home care costing $188.00 per day, There is a better way when we get old and too feeble.  I've already checked on reservations at the Holiday Inn. For a combined long term stay discount and senior discount, it's $59.23 per night. Breakfast is included, and some have happy hours in the afternoon. That leaves  $128.77 a day for lunch and dinner in any restaurant we want, Or room service, laundry, gratuities and special TV movies. Plus, they provide a spa, swimming pool, a workout room, a lounge and washer-dryer, etc. Most have free toothpaste and razors, and all have free shampoo and soap. $5 worth of tips a day you'll have the entire staff scrambling to help you. They treat you like a customer, not a patient. There's a city bus stop out front, and seniors ride free. The handicap bus will also pick you up (if you fake a decent limp). To meet other nice people, call a church bus on Sundays.  For a change of scenery, take the airport shuttle bus and eat at one of the nice restaurants there.  While you're at the airport, fly somewhere.  Otherwise, the cash keeps building up. It takes months to get into decent nursing homes. Holiday Inn will take your reservation today. And you're not stuck in one place forever -- you can move from Inn to Inn,  or even from city to city. Want to see  Hawaii ?  They have Holiday Inn there too. TV broken?  Light bulbs need changing?  Need a mattress replaced?  No problem.. They fix everything,  and apologize for the inconvenience. The Inn has a night security person and daily room service. The maid checks to see if you are ok. If not, they'll call an ambulance . .. Or the undertaker.   If you fall and break a hip, Medicare will pay for the hip, and Holiday Inn will upgrade you to a suite for the rest of your life. And no worries about visits from family. They will always be glad to find you, and probably check in for a few days mini-vacation.  The grandkids can use the pool. What more could I ask for? From Chuckles Grisius

What is Couple Sex?

To all you Grandpas and Grandmas, this was too funny not to forward.  We are all reaching that stage where we need to keep the wax out of our ears and  keep the hearing aids tuned up.  A 6-year-old boy went to his grandfather, who was working in the yard and asked him,  "Grampa, what is couple sex?" The grandfather was surprised that he would ask such a  question, but decided that if he's old enough to know to ask the question, then he's  old enough to get a straight answer. Steeling himself to leave nothing out, he proceeded to tell him all about human reproduction  and the joys and responsibilities of intercourse. When he finished explaining, the little boy  was looking at him with his mouth hanging open, eyes wide in amazement. Seeing the look on his face, the grandfather asked him, "Why did you ask this question, buddy?"  The little boy replied, "Grandma says that dinner will be ready in just a couple secs!” Thanks for the laugh Grampa Rich! The somewhat amused little kid in the picture is my nephew Ronnie.

I Knew It!!!

Only a Farm Kid

When you're from the country,

your perception is a little bit different.

A farmer drove to a neighbor's farmhouse and knocked at the door.

A boy, about 9, opened the door.

"Is your dad or mom home?" said the farmer.

"No, they went to town" said the boy. 

"How about your brother, Howard? Is he here?" asked the farmer.

"No, he went with Mom and Dad" the boy answered. 

The farmer stood there for a few minutes, shifting from one foot to

the other, and mumbling to himself. 

"I know where all the tools are, if you want to borrow one, or I can

give Dad a message"  said the boy.

"Well," said the farmer uncomfortably, "I really wanted to talk to your Dad. It's about your brother Howard getting my daughter Suzy pregnant".

The boy thought for a moment...

"You would have to talk to Dad about that. I know he charges $500

for the bull and $50 for the pig, but I don't know how much he charges for Howard."

Thanks to Larry Munsterman for this chuckle.

DUCK!!!

No, really duck. Here's why.
We were on vacation Up Nord last week. As usual we enjoyed viewing various types of wildlife that roam around freely up there. We saw the usual assortment. You know, eagles, deer, ducks, geese, cranes, herons, a fox and a few loons (and some water fowl ones too). We caught a few fish. (And lost a few. Including a five hundred pound Marlin that broke my line and escaped.) We encountered a vast array of wild-not-so-live roadkill. Skunks, coons, deer and porcupines. But the most interesting specie we ran across was the "Tree Dwelling Turtle". One evening, after dinner, a loud "Ohhh!" came from came from the base of a very tall pine tree where Reid, my son-in-law, and Eddie, the grandkid, were sitting, playing with some pebbles. (Pebble playing is a great after dinner pastime Up Nord.) "What's wrong"  I called from the deck. "Something just hit me in the shoulder", Reid replied. Looking around him, on the ground, he found the object that had undoubtedly fallen from the treetop and bounced off his shoulder . . . a small painted turtle, about the size of a silver dollar. After close inspection by Reid, Eddie and Edie, the bewildered culprit/victim was released into the lake. We considered putting it back in the tree but on one was willing to climb it. We think the the real culprit was one of the seagulls that was out hunting that night who must have dropped his appetizer on his way home. Now, grandkid Eddie is convinced that some turtles DO live in trees. Although there were many laughing occasions during the week this wins the title of "This Made Me Laugh The Most"! So, when you're Up Nord, pay attention to ALL the warning signs that are posted throughout the area.

NAG, NAG, NAG!

Mayonnaise Jar & Two Beers

When things in your life seem almost too much to handle, when 24 hours in a day are not enough, remember the mayonnaise jar and the 2 Beers. A professor stood before his philosophy class and had some items in front of him. When the class began, he wordlessly picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with golf balls. He then asked the students if the jar was full. They agreed that it was. The professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar. He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles rolled into the open areas between the golf balls. He then asked the students again if the jar was full. They agreed it was. The professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. Of course, the sand filled up everything else. He asked once more if the jar was full.. The students responded with a unanimous 'yes.' The professor then produced two Beers from under the table and poured the entire contents into the jar effectively filling the empty space between the sand. The students laughed.. 'Now,' said the professor as the laughter subsided, 'I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life. The golf balls are the important things - your family, your children, your health, your friends and your favorite passions – and if everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full. The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, your house and your car.. The sand is everything else - the small stuff. 'If you put the sand into the jar first,' he continued, 'there is no room for the pebbles or the golf balls. The same goes for life. If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff you will never have room for the things that are important to you. Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness. Spend time with your children. Spend time with your parents. Visit with grandparents. Visit with your Aunts. Take your spouse out to dinner. Play another 18. There will always be time to clean the house and fix the disposal. Take care of the golf balls first - the things that really matter. Set your priorities. The rest is just sand. One of the students raised her hand and inquired what the Beer represented. The professor smiled and said, 'I'm glad you asked.' The Beer just shows you that no matter how full your life may seem, there's always room for a couple of Beers with a friend. Thanks to ken Bochat for reminding me of this meaningful story!

Technologee!

I was visiting my son and daughter-in-law

Last night when I asked if I could borrow

a newspaper.

'This is the 21st century, old man,' he said.

'We don't waste money on newspapers.

Here, you can borrow my iPod.'

I can tell you, that friggin fly never knew

What hit it...........

I Want A Second Opinion!

During my recent physical, my doctor asked me about my daily activity level, and so I described a typical day this way:

"Well, yesterday afternoon, I waded along the edge of a lake, drank eight beers, escaped from wild dogs in the heavy brush,
marched up and down several rocky hills, stood in a patch of poison ivy, crawled out of quicksand, jumped away from an aggressive
rattlesnake and took four "leaks" behind big trees."

Inspired by the story, the doctor said, "Carlos, You must be one heck of an Outdoors Man!"

"No," I replied, "I'm just a crappy golfer."

Courtesy of Ken Moeller

Just Another Blonde Joke!

A blonde & her husband are lying in bed

Listening to the next door neighbor's dog..

It has been in the backyard barking for hours & hours.

The blonde jumps up out of bed and says,

"I've had enough of this".

She goes downstairs.

The blonde finally comes back up to bed

And her husband says,  "The dog is still barking,

What have you been doing?"

The blonde says,

"I put the dog in our backyard,

let's see how THEY like it!

I Have A Little GPS!!!

I have a little GPS It sits there in my car A GPS is a driver's friend It tells you where you are    I have a little GPS I've had it all my life It’s better than the normal ones My GPS is my wife    It gives me full instructions Especially how to drive "It's thirty miles an hour", it says "You're doing thirty five"    It tells me when to stop and start And when to use the brake And tells me that it's never ever Safe to overtake    It tells me when a light is red And when it goes to green It seems to know instinctively Just when to intervene    It lists the vehicles just in front And all those to the rear And taking this into account It specifies my gear.    I'm sure no other driver Has so helpful a device For when we leave and lock the car It still gives its advice It fills me up with counseling Each journey's pretty fraught So why don't I exchange it And get a quieter sort? Ah well, you see, it cleans the house, Makes sure I'm properly fed, It washes all my shirts and things And - keeps me warm in bed! Despite all these advantages And my tendency to scoff, I do wish that once in a while I could turn the damned thing off.

Courtesy of George Dramis!

And God Promised Man . . .

And God promised men that good and obedient wives 

would be found in all corners of the world.

 Then He made the earth round ... 

and laughed and laughed and laughed...

Thanks for the Sunday Sermon, Rich Grisius

Old Farmer's Advice

Courtesy of Frank Schoensiegel -

“Your fences need to be horse-high, pig-tight and bull-strong.”   “Keep skunks and bankers at a distance.”  “Life is simpler when you plow around the stump.”  “A bumble bee is considerably faster than a John Deere tractor.” “Words that soak into your ears are whispered…....not yelled.”  “Meanness don't just happen overnight.”  “Forgive your enemies; it messes up their heads.”  “Do not corner something that you know is meaner than you.”  “It don't take a very big person to carry a grudge.”  “You cannot unsay a cruel word.”  “Every path has a few puddles.”  “When you wallow with pigs, expect to get dirty.”  “The best sermons are lived, not preached.” “Most of the stuff people worry about, ain't never gonna happen anyway.”  “Don 't judge folks by their relatives.  “Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer.”  “Live a good and honorable life, then when you get older and think back, you'll enjoy it a second time.” “Don 't interfere with somethin' that ain't bothering you none.”  “Timing has a lot to do with the outcome of a rain dance.”  “If you find yourself in a hole, the first thing to do is stop diggin'.”  “Sometimes you get, and sometimes you get got.  “The biggest troublemaker you'll probably ever have to deal with, watches you from the mirror every mornin'.”  “Always drink upstream from the herd.”  “Good judgment comes from experience, and a lotta that comes from bad judgment.”  “Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier than puttin' it back in.”  “If you get to thinkin' you're a person of some influence, try orderin' somebody else's dog around.”  “Live simply, love generously, care deeply,  speak kindly, and leave the rest to God.”